Helping Siblings Get Along, on Holiday and at Home

Brothers and sisters can be each other's best playmates one minute and fierce rivals the next. Holidays tend to magnify both: children spend more time together, share rooms and sit side by side for hours on journeys. A few simple strategies can tip the balance towards more of the good moments and fewer arguments.

Why siblings clash

Squabbling is a normal part of growing up together. Children argue over fairness, attention, space and possessions, and they're still learning to manage frustration. Tiredness, hunger, boredom and changes to routine make it worse, which is why travel days are often flashpoints. Knowing the triggers helps you plan around them.

Build the bond day to day

• Give each child one-to-one time. Even short, regular time alone with each parent reduces competition for attention.
• Avoid comparisons. Phrases like "why can't you be more like your sister?" fuel rivalry. Praise each child for their own efforts.
• Notice the good moments. When siblings help or include each other, say so. Children repeat what gets noticed.
• Encourage shared projects. Building a den, baking or putting on a show together gives them a common goal.
• Respect differences. An older child may need more privacy and independence; a younger one may need more help. Fair doesn't always mean identical.

Long journeys

Hours in a car or on a plane test any family. To keep the peace:

• Plan the seating. A gap between children, or an adult in the middle on a plane, can prevent a lot of niggling.
• Give each child their own kit. Separate bags of snacks, activities and a pair of headphones each avoids fights over who has what.
• Mix solo and shared activities. Time with their own book or film, alternating with games they play together, such as I-spy, car bingo or a card game.
• Take turns fairly. Agree in advance who chooses the music or sits by the window, and swap at set times.
• Stop before things boil over. On road trips, regular breaks to run around and eat help more than anything else.

Our guide to surviving long car journeys has more ideas, and our holiday soundtrack piece may help with the music wars.

Sharing a room on holiday

• Give each child their own bed or clearly defined sleeping space, plus a spot for their things.
• Keep bedtime routines as close to home as possible, and stagger bedtimes if ages differ.
• A small night light or a book light lets an older child read without disturbing a younger one.
• Agree ground rules on noise and getting up early before the first night.

When arguments happen

• Stay calm and neutral. Try not to take sides before you know what happened.
• Step in when needed. Minor squabbles can sometimes be left for children to sort out; step in straight away if anyone is being hurt or bullied.
• Separate, then reconnect. A short break apart lets everyone calm down. Then help them talk it through.
• Coach, don't lecture. Help children name their feelings and suggest solutions, such as taking turns, sharing or finding a compromise.
• Be consistent. Apply the same rules and consequences to each child, appropriate to their age, and follow through.

Keep the bigger picture in mind

Siblings who argue are not failing; they're practising negotiation, sharing and empathy. What matters most is the overall balance of warmth and fun. Holidays are a great chance to build shared memories, so plan for the tricky moments and make space for the good ones. For more on keeping holidays calm, see a relaxing holiday with children.